Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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