Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
