I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
