found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
