He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
