You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
