one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
