I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
