Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
