My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He better not be in your backpack
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
