Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
