I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
