is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
