Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
