here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
