we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
