I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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