Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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