Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
