you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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