you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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