ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
