Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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