you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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