So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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