fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
