it wasn't lemon gatorade
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
