Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
