Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
