She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were trust falling into bushes
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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