apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
