We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
