I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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