I am spending my child support on dildos
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
