Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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