You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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