gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
