you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
