I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
