So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
