Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
