you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
