I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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