I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I faked an abortion last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
