So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
