my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
