Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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