i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
