I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
