walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry about my life...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
