Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
