rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
