I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
