I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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