i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Less talking, more tequila
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
